Sorrow on my Tongue
by hyrew
Summary: AU. Loki has always felt different his whole life. But what happens when Laufey comes to him in a dream and tells Loki he is of Jotun blood? How will a young Loki deal with the fact that he is the monster that parents tell their children about at night? For NaNoWriMo. Eventual Avengers. Eventual Thorki
1. A Lost Reality

(A.N:/ So, like many of my previous fics, this title was inspired by a song. A Korn song, much like the others. (called "Coming Undone")

Alright guys. So, my first non-glee fanfiction! Yay! :D Anyway, a little explanation before I start writing. I've recently become kinda sorta completely obsessed with Thor and Loki (mainly Loki) and have thrown myself into the Avengers fandom. That being said, I am new and I've never written for such...off characters. The way they speak and such is still new to me so please bare with me on the dialect and characterization. I am still doing my research so I can make the characters more realistic to the canon versions. So yeah, please bare with me and if you think I'm doing a piss-poor job please feel free to tell me so, give me examples of what would be better. Seriously, as I said, I'm new to the fandom and if I'm doing a shit job on the characters I'd like to know so I can fix it.

Okay, so anyways, the rest of the Avengers don't come in right away, but they will soon enough. The fic starts with Thor and Loki being young because I'm thoroughly interested in their upbringing (I also thought that since I am worried about my characterization being off if I started them off being very young that I might be able to further explain the things I make them do later on. It makes sense to me, okay?) The first few chapters or so are more of a prequel to lead up to the Avengers bit. (It'll make sense, I promise.) This is also a bit of an AU in which Loki was never the bad guy and such. But yeah, I'm really excited to start this fanfic! It's for NaNoWriMo (this is my first time ever trying to do it) so let's see if I can actually write 50,000 words in thirty days…Probably can't seeing as how it takes me nine years to update any other fic but...yeah...Anyway, hope you all enjoy! Ha, and I'll try not to make any more massively long .)

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"Really brother," Loki started, sighing in annoyance as he used his magic to drop Thor roughly on the bed. "If you wish to drink so much that you cannot walk without assistance you should remain in your room." Loki said, looking down at his brother with a hard look. He hated wasting his magic taking _care_ of someone. It was of far better use as a trick. Thor had just turned fourteen and decided to celebrate the day away with mass amounts of ale while twelve year old Loki was left with the task of lugging Thor back to his room. "You are simply lucky that you managed to stay away from mother. If she saw you in such a state..." He trailed off, seeing no point in speaking any long. Sober Thor was hard enough to get through to but drunk Thor was like speaking to a brick wall. A very heavy,annoying, and talkative brick wall.

Thor let out a hardy laugh, adjusting himself to a more comfortable position (since Loki basically threw him down as hard as possible) and smiled up at Loki. "But brother, today is a day of celebration! Of triumph!"

Loki rolled his eyes. "It is the anniversary of your birth, not one of battle."

"Sit with me, brother." Thor said, patting the side of his bed.

Loki sighed loudly before sitting down on the edge of Thor's bed, making it a point to stay as far away as possible from Thor (which wasn't much considering how Thor was sprawled out).

"Brother?" Loki asked, softly. There was a strange sound of vulnerability in his voice. When there was no response Loki looked behind his shoulder and sighed. Thor was passed out, arms and legs spread out as far as possible. Since there was no way that Thor would remember, or hear for that matter, Loki's words the trickster decided it was an appropriate time to bare his soul. Loki had the burden of wanting to talk to someone about his fears and concerns but not wanting to actually have anyone _know_ his fears and concerns. "I fear that I am different, brother." Loki murmured, looking down at his hands. "Different from all the other Asgardians." He paused, looking back once again to make sure Thor was still out cold. There was no way he wanted Thor to actually listen to him but Loki needed to talk to someone, even if they weren't mentally present. "I don't seem to fit in with the others our age, or anyone for that matter. I first thought it was due to my higher intellect or the mischief I cause but…it seems to be a different reason…" Loki paused again, not sure what to say. His words seemed to be failing him, something that Loki was not used to. "It is like there is something different in here," He said, his small fist coming up to his chest. "On the inside." He added, sighing and beginning to feel annoyed with himself. His words never failed him before. His lack of words were...annoying. "I…I'm not like them, am I?" He asked, more to himself seeing as he wasn't going to get an answer from Thor.

When Thor answered, Loki nearly leapt out of his own skin.

"Of course you are different, brother." Thor mumbled out through a yawn. Loki turned around to face Thor. Vibrant green eyes met icy blue. "In all nine realms you have the most wit." He said, causing Loki's lips to curl into a small smile. Thor chuckled. "You also have the most sarcasm." He added. Loki's smile fell into an annoyed frown. Every sweet moment the two shared was always ruined by one of them (though those moments where usually purposely ruined by Loki).

"Go to bed, brother." Loki said, standing up – or at least, trying to. Thor had latched onto Loki's middle, dragging Loki into the middle of the bed as he did so. "I meant _alone_." Loki grumbled out, sending Thor his angriest glare. Loki's words fell on deaf ears as Thor fell fast asleep before Loki had a chance to finish his sentence. Thor's arm wrapped tightly around Loki's waist, pulling Loki in even closer to his chest. Loki sighed in annoyance. With the way Thor was holding him Loki wouldn't be able to escape until Thor either woke up or rolled over and released him.

Loki's frown slowly curled up into a soft smile. Though he would never admit it (especially to Thor) he appreciated the contact. Especially from Thor. His father had a tendency to remain distant towards his youngest son while Frigga, his mother, always gave Loki a sad, unsettling look whenever she faced him. Loki wasn't sure as to why his parents were so awkward around him. Why they were so much more loving and affectionate towards Thor, but Loki tended not to dwell on that. He found it far too depressing to think about. Thor's contact felt safe. Loki felt protected in Thor's arms, though what he was being protected from, he was unsure of. In Asgard he was safe. He was a God. He was son of Odin.

Deciding that he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon Loki decided to sleep, curling up against his brother and using Thor's chest as an awkward (and rather stiff) pillow. Soon enough Loki drifted off into sleep.

* * *

"What the...?" Loki said, looking around in confusion. He was in what Loki could only assume was Jotunheim. Yes, this had to be Jotunheim. It matched the description of the stories his mother used to tell him and Thor when they were younger. "This must be a dream," Loki said to himself, looking around at his surroundings. "Yes, a dream." He repeated. There didn't seem to be anyone else around. Loki sighed, annoyed and confused as to why he was dreaming about Jotunheim.

Loki began walking around, looking around cautiously as he did so. Even if this was all just a dream Loki was still in Jotunheim and caution was still necessary. With no armor, weapon, or big brother to protect him caution was of the upmost importance.

After while of walking Loki came across something rather intriguing; a mirror made of ice. It was fitting yet oddly out of place at the same time. For some reason Loki felt compelled to head towards the mirror, instantly regretting his decision as he did. He stared at his reflection in horror for a few moments before forcing himself to look away. His eyes had changed from their piercing green to a blood red. His skin was a deep blue with darker markings. It was a horrid sight that made Loki's heart sink. He looked like a Frost Giant. He looked like a monster. Loki quickly looked down at his hands only to find them their usual ivory colour.

"You are right in thinking that you are different." A voice behind Loki suddenly said.

Loki jumped, looking behind him and seeing no one. He was alone. When he turned around to face the mirror again there were two reflections. One Loki's and one another; a frost giant. He had no actual body, only a reflection. Loki frowned._ So this is a nightmare_. He thought to himself. "Who are you?" Loki asked in his best demanding voice. Though he was terrified he tried his best not to show it.

The frost giant cackled. "I am Laufey but I would think the more pressing question is who are _you_?"

Loki frowned. "I am Loki of Asgard."

Laufey shook his head. "Look at your reflection. You are not of Asgardian blood." He said with a wicked grin.

"I am no monster like you!" Loki yelled, using his magic to shatter the mirror. Much to Loki's dislike the shattered mirror only made many more, smaller, duplicates of his reflection. His skin was still blue and his eyes red. Laufey's crooked grin remained behind his reflection. A moment later Laufey was gone and Loki was alone once again, staring at his reflection with tears running down his eyes. "I am no monster." He repeated. "This is only a dream." Loki cautiously brought his hand to his face, feeling his skin that was cold and rough on his markings. "I am no monster...I am no-"

"Brother!" Thor's voice suddenly boomed out, cracking the sky and ground. Everything around him seemed to shatter. Loki knew what was happening. He was waking up. Before Loki knew it he was back in his brother's bed and looking up at a concerned Thor. "Brother," Thor said once again, "There are tears in your eyes." Thor had a sad look on his face.

Loki scoffed. "No there aren't." Loki replied, stubbornly as he furiously wiped away his tears. He then noticed that his eyes feel raw to the touch, like he had been crying for hours. He hadn't realized that it wasn't only his dream self that had been weeping. Loki brought his hands down to touch his cheek which felt warm once again and Loki let out a small sigh of relief. It really _was_ just a dream.

"What troubles you, brother?" Thor asked, face scrunched up into a look of worry.

"Nothing, brother. I am fine. You were just chocking me with your enormous hands." Loki lied, quickly. Lying was something that he had perfected over the last few years.

"Brother…" Thor said, softly. It wasn't until then that he noticed how small Loki was. How fragile. How…

Loki shot his brother a glare. "You're an insufferable oaf, you know." He said, sharply. Even in Loki's tear-stricken, vulnerable, state, he still had the same bitter hardness that he had with everyone he met. It made Thor sigh a little in relief when he saw Loki becoming himself once again. "Unhand me at once. How dare you treat a God in such a manner."

Thor was about to say something about how he was a God as well but thought better of it. Loki was upset and neither were in the mood to have a verbal disagreement (besides, Loki always won when it came to battles of words and wit) "My apologies." Thor said, loosening his grip on Loki. As Thor previously noticed, Loki was fragile. Much more so than all the other boys his age. Loki bruised easily and with Thor's strong grip the older brother had to be extra careful not to hurt Loki.

"If you want my forgiveness move over." Loki said, sharply. Loki could feel his eyelids growing heavy again. He needed to sleep, hopefully this time a dreamless one. "I require more room." He demanded.

Thor smiled brightly at Loki's words. It wasn't everyday that Loki wished to remain in his presence. Usually the only company that Loki liked to keep was with himself. It was a good feeling to hear his brother say that he actually _wanted_ to spend more time with him; even if he really didn't say it. "Goodnight, brother." Thor said, turning the lights off.

Thor's smile dropped when he felt Loki wiggle closer to him. Normally a hug from Loki (or any form of affection, really) would make Thor happy but Loki was obviously upset and sought comfort. Thor had now seen Loki cry three times in his entire life, each time being more heart-breaking than the last. The first when he was a one and Thor dropped his brother on the ground. The second was three days later when Thor dropped Loki again (after which Frigga forbid Thor from holding his brother). The third was a few minutes ago. Loki wept in his sleep, obviously troubled by his own mind. Thor felt pity for Loki. Being trapped in a mind such as _Loki's_ would be enough to make any man cry. Loki was cold, distant, and above all else, _mean_. He thought he was better than everyone else and to be completely honest, Thor would have to agree.

"Speak of this to no one." Loki commanded as he snuggled his face into Thor's chest. "As of sunrise I will take my leave and tonight's events will have been long forgotten."

"Aye, brother." Thor said, yawning once again and wrapping an arm protectively around his little brother's waist. Thor was curious as to what was so upsetting that it made Loki of all people cry but for now it could wait. It was the middle of the night and Thor was far too tired to try and coax and answer out of Loki. "Aye."

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(A.N:/ And that would be the end of that chapter. I really hope you guys enjoyed and thanks so much for reading! Seeing as this is for NaNoWriMo I should be updating it regularly. Every couple of days or so (maybe even daily, who knows) But anyway, thank you so much for reading! I'd love to hear what you guys thought (don't mind me, just casually hinting for reviews like the cheap review whore I am...) But yeah...Hope you guys liked it! I'll update soon!

Now time to plan out the rest of this fic...)

\o/


	2. The Times, They Change

(A.N:/ Alright, chapter two. Let's go! :D Ha, I haven't planned this story out yet...just this chapter and a very short scene in the next...Oh well. The Avengers should be coming in shortly...ish.. As I've said, I haven't really planned this fic out yet so yeah...I do have plans for them though. \o/ Anyway, hope you guys enjoy!)

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When Thor woke up it was mid afternoon. He rolled over on his side and gasped a little when he saw Loki curled up against a pillow. It wasn't like Loki to sleep so late. Thor watched Loki sleep for a few moments, noticing how even while sleeping Loki looked annoyed, before deciding it would be best to just let his brother sleep. He had a rough night, his brother needed his sleep. He watched as Loki's breathed slowly. Every once in a while his face would scrunch up and Thor could have sworn that Loki was muttering insults under his breath. Thor yawned, stretching his arms out as he did so before trying his best to get out of bed with as little movement as possible. Loki was a light sleeper and the last thing Thor wanted to do was wake his brother up. Of course Thor in his ungraceful and tired state nearly tripped out of bed when a blanket got tangled around his ankle. Thor caught himself with his hands just before falling but unfortunately didn't have time to grab Loki who was flung off the bed with the blanket. Thor sighed, rubbing the back of his head and bracing himself for the screaming Loki was about to do.

So much for letting his brother sleep.

Loki woke with a start, eyes fluttering open. He blinked a few times before wildly looking around the room, confused as to where he was for a few moments. Once his eyes met Thor's body he frowned. All of last nights events flooding back into his head. Loki rubbed the back of his neck, wincing slightly. "You _oaf_!" Loki said, voice strained and too tired to really sound mad. "Why would you throw me from the bed while I slept?" He asked, glaring up at Thor.

Thor gave Loki an apologetic look. "Aye, my apologies, brother. I did not mean for you to be woken." He confessed. It was true, Thor's intentions were to let Loki sleep the day away. It just didn't happen that way.

Loki rolled his eyes before shakily standing up. Once he was standing he began furiously trying to straighten his clothes. A God should never wear such wrinkled clothing after all. Since he had not planned on staying the night with Thor Loki was still wearing his formal clothing, just without the light armor that he must have removed sometime last night. With a wave of his hand over his torso Loki's clothes changed into a more casual dark green linen shirt and black slacks. Loki had no plans of leaving his chambers once he left Thor's so there was no need to dress up for the day.

Thor noticed Loki's outfit change and looked down at his own, frowning a little. His clothes were far more wrinkled than Loki's and he was still wearing some of his armor. Thor quickly tugged off his armer and then shirt before heading towards a corner of his room where he kept all his clothes. He could feel Loki's eyes on him, most likely glaring at his back as Thor changed, soon taking his trousers off as well.

Thor was right about Loki's eyes being on his back. The glaring, however, wasn't happening. The moment Thor took off his shirt Loki couldn't help but stare. Sure, he had seen his brother shirtless before but it had been a long time ago, when the two were young and Frigga would bathe them together. Loki was sure that if he left his own chambers more often to venture outside he might catch more glimpses of Thor's body (something that the sorcerer had just then decided would be happening a lot more often). Loki could feel the heat rising in his face. A light pink colour formed on his face, contrasting against his light ivory skin. Loki's eyes trailed down Thor's back, noticing every muscle in Thor's back. His eyes traced down the curve of Thor's spin until he reached the bottom, forcing his eyes to stray from Thor's butt and back to his thick back muscles. Loki swallowed harshly. _This is your brother. Do not look at him in such a way!_ Loki mentally screeched at himself. No matter how much his mind told him to look away Loki just couldn't. It was as if his eyes were glued to Thor, and to be honest, Loki really didn't mind all that much. Thor was an attractive man. All the girls their age knew it, even the women noticed Thor's beauty, and most likely a few men as well. Thor was a catch. A little dimwitted but he was kind, and strong, and would someday make a great ruler. Though that didn't mean that Loki didn't want the crown for himself. He did, he just knew that with Thor being older (and favoured by Odin) that Thor was the heir to the thrown; not Loki. Without even realizing it Loki licked his lips, mouth suddenly feeling dry.

"Brother?" Thor questioned, back still facing Loki.

"Hmm?" Loki managed to get out. He didn't trust his voice right now.

Thor's weight shifted to his left side, suddenly looking uncomfortable. "I...My intentions were not to eavesdrop, brother..." Thor said, sounding guilty.

Loki's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?" He forced out. He didn't trust Thor's tone.

"While you slept last night you...you were speaking." Thor confessed, still facing away from Loki. "What was it that plagued your dreams?"

"Something in which does not concern you!" Loki was seething. "It was merely an unpleasant dream that we agreed to never speak of again. Really Thor, sometimes you truly _are_ clueless."

"Brother..." Thor said, sighing a little. He knew that Loki wasn't going to give out any information easily.

"And what was it that I said?" Loki demanded, mouth scrunched up into a scowl.

Thor didn't reply right away. The two just stood there in silence, Thor facing away from Loki as the younger brother glared daggers into Thor's back. "Brother, you are not a monster." Thor finally said after a long silence. His voice was soft; so soft that Loki almost couldn't hear him.

Loki nearly lost it right there. "I know what I am and what I am not, _Thor_!" Loki spat with as much venom as possible. Thor visibly twitched at Loki's words. He turned around and faced Loki, noticing the odd shade of pink Loki currently was. Thor just chalked it up to Loki being annoyed and decided not to bring it up.

"Then why did you tell me last night that you felt different on the inside? Something troubles you brother, I am merely trying to-"

"You were imagining things. Perhaps I am not the only one who dreamt last night?" Loki suggested, cutting Thor off. Thor wasn't supposed to remember any of what Loki said last night. Thor was supposed to be too drunk and asleep to even _hear_ those words, much less remember them. Loki was beginning to panic but kept his best poker face on. Time for a lie. "I do not recall anything about me confessing any secret fears towards you."

Thor frowned. "But brother, you just said-"

"I was simply amusing you." Loki said, cutting Thor off. "But I guess that's what I get for trying to be a good brother." Loki added, crossly.

Thor's frown grew. "But-"

"But nothing." Loki said, growing angry. He was not in the mood to deal with Thor's persistence. Not today.

"Your face grows red with anger." Thor said, looking a little upset.

Loki gave his brother a disbelieving look. Of course Thor would assume the change of colour on his skin was because he was angry. "You are a dimwitted-" Loki cut himself off. It was far easier to let Thor (as well as himself) think that was the cause of the blush. "You are an oaf, you know." And with that Loki stormed out of Thor's room, making it a point to slam the door heavily behind him (which, must to Loki's dismay wasn't nearly as dramatic or threatening due to the weight of Thor's door). Between his all too real nightmare with Laufey and the things he was suddenly noticing about Thor, he had a lot to think about.

Loki swiftly made his way back to his room, closing the door behind him and walking straight into his personal bathing room. For some reason he felt cold (plus Loki did his best thinking in the bath). Loki stripped down out of his clothes and sank into the water, snapping his fingers and making the water steam. "What am I to do?" He mumbled to himself before sinking further down in the tub until his nostrils almost hit the water. Thor was beautiful, no one could deny that, not even Loki. He was kind and strong. He had a lovely smile that lit up the room and the way his eyes - no. Loki forced his mind away from those thoughts. Thor was beautiful but he was his _brother_. Though incest in Asgard wasn't that uncommon Loki still felt a certain...oddness about it. Thor was _Thor_. He was his oaf of an brother that one day would take the thrown that Loki wanted more than anything. Loki sighed. He hadn't fancied anyone yet, maybe he was just wrong about his feelings. Maybe he just loved Thor like a brother. A beautiful, beautiful brother...Loki sighed again. He didn't want to think about this right now. He didn't want to think about Thor or how Thor was worried about him and caught him crying last night; yet another thing Loki didn't want to think about. Why was he dreaming about frost giants? Why did he turn _into_ a frost giant? Loki needed answers and he needed them now.

Loki finished his bath, got dressed, and left his room in search of Frigga.

After about an hour Loki finally found his mother in her garden. "Mother?" Loki asked, nervously walking towards Frigga.

Frigga looked up and gave Loki a small smile. "Hello Loki."

"Mother...May I ask a question?" Loki asked.

"Of course you may." She replied, turning her attention back to her garden.

Loki nodded slightly. "Right..." He paused a moment, trying to think of how to word his question. "Mother I...I'm different." He said.

Frigga's brows rose, looking back over at her son. "Oh?" Was all she said.

"I'm not of Asgard, am I?" Loki asked, a worried look on his face. All he needed was to hear his mother tell him that he was wrong. That he is an Asgardian and that he was just over thinking everything. That he was insane. The look on Frigga's face told Loki that he wasn't insane.

"Of course you are, Loki. You are my son. Now, go off to your room." Frigga said, quickly, looking back down at her garden. She sounded frantic and annoyed.

Loki nodded. "R-right. Goodbye...mother." He said, hurrying back inside. He wasn't quite sure whether he was an Asgardian or not but he _did_ know that there was something up. Once Loki was back inside he made sure he was alone before leaning up against a wall and looking down at his hands, breathing heavily. He was so confused and beginning to think that his mind should just go back to his new thoughts on Thor.

"Brother."

Speaking of Thor. Loki looked up to see his older brother heading towards him, smiling brightly. "What?" He spat out.

Thor's smile didn't falter. He was practically beaming. "Brother, I bring joyous news."

"Oh?" Loki asked, pushing himself off of the wall and starting to head towards his room. He didn't care whether Thor followed him or not because quite frankly he didn't care about his brother's news.

Thor followed. "Lady Sif has agreed to join me in a feast." Thor said, smiling widely.

Loki furrowed his brows in confusion. Why would that make Thor so happy? Thor ate with Sif all the time. Those two plus Fandral, Hogun, and Volstagg were practically inseparable. And then it hit Loki. "What of the other three?" He asked, trying to sound uninterested.

"The feast is a special feast. One that _only_ Sif will accompany me on."

Loki nearly chocked, stopping in his tracks and having Thor almost walk straight into him. "O-oh..." Loki said, clearing his throat. "That is nice. I must go." He said, quickly. Once he was in his room Loki rested his weight against the wall and slid down, bringing his knees to hit chest and cradling himself. Thor liked Sif. _This should not bother me._ Loki thought to himself. _Thor is nothing more than an oversized sack of meat. Nothing more. This should not bother me._ Yes, those confusing feelings for Thor were more than just that of brotherly love. Much more. "Drat." Loki murmured to himself

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(A.N:/ And that's the end of chapter two. Poor 12 year old Loki. Having nightmares about being a frost giant and then when he finally hits that age where he starts noticing other people it's his brother. But in all honesty, I feel bad for canon Loki. He spent his entire life hearing that the frost giants are monsters only to find out that he is one. That has got to suck... Anyway, I really hope you guys enjoyed and thanks for reading! Also, thanks for the reviews! They are much appreciated. :D

Just as an fyi the next few chapters will be Thor and Loki more grown up and then there will be some Avengers shit going down. :D Yay. But yeah, thanks so much for reading!)

\o/


	3. I'll Never Admit

(A.N:/ Chapter three! Woo. Hope you guys enjoy! Sorry it took me so long to update. I've been seriously terrible at this whole NaNoWriMo thing...Seriously terrible...)

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Three years later.

"Brother?" Thor asked. He was currently laying on Loki's bed while Loki sat at his desk, reading a rather thick book about magic. Lately Loki had confined himself to his room more than usual so Thor had decided to stop by and spend some time with his younger brother. Not by choice though. After accidentally striking a horse with a thunderbolt Odin had banished him from the training yards for two fortnights which left Thor with little to do aside from stay indoors. Being outside and not being aloud to spar wasn't worth the trip outdoors.

"Hmm?" Was all Loki replied with. He kept his eyes (and almost all of his attention) on his spell book.

"You do not desire women yet." Thor declared, making Loki drop his book on his foot.

"Owe!" Loki hissed in pain and shot Thor a dirty look. "Look what you did!" He was _not_ about to have this conversation with Thor. Not now, and if Loki had his way, not ever.

Thor frowned a little. "But brother, I was simply asking a question."

Loki's glare intensified. "Are you implying that I am attracted to men?" He asked in a calm tone. On Asgard many people were attracted to the same sex. It was common and only was seen as a problem when it came time to reproduce.

"It matters not, brother. I am only asking because you are of fourteen years of age and have not expressed interest in any female."

"Or male either." Loki pointed out, making Thor's face scrunch up in confusion.

"So you neither like male or female? I am confused brother. What interests you then?"

Loki scoffed. "Horses." He said, sarcastically. Thor gave Loki a shocked face and Loki rolled it eyes. "I was only joking." He said, dryly.

Thor nodded slightly. "Oh..."

Loki sighed, knowing that Thor wasn't going to drop the subject. "You want to know what catches my attention?" He asked, pausing a few moments for Thor to nod again. "Right," He said, pausing again to think of an appropriate answer. He knew what he fancied. Thor. But it wasn't like he could just go right out and _say_ it. "I would say that I fancy someone..." He paused a moment, trying to think of what words to say without giving too much away. "I fancy someone who is strong. Someone who I would believe to be destined for greatness preferably with long fair hair. Someone who is-are you even listening, brother?" Loki shot out, shooting Thor a glare. "Really now, if you must ask me a question, you could at least show enough respect to pay attention." Thor was flipping through one of the books that Loki had on his bed. Loki walked over and snatched the book away from Thor who was still not paying attention.

"My apologies, brother." Thor said, turning his attention back to Loki. Thor smiled brightly. "So, as you were saying."

"I also fancy annoying oafs, apparently." Loki muttered under his breath. "Brother," He started. "Why don't you run along. I'm sure Lady Sif is waiting for you somewhere." Loki said, bitterly. Loki never liked Sif, not even when she was just Thor's friend and not the women he was betrothed to. It burned Loki to know that she would eventually be the _Queen_ while he would forever remain a simple _Prince_. If he didn't get to be King he should at least get the second highest ranking. But mainly, he was jealous because if Lady Sif were made Queen then Loki would never have a chance with Thor. Not that he had a chance or anything.

Thor ignored Loki's tone. Loki always sounded like that when he was talking about other people. Thor assumed that Loki was a loner and just didn't like people. "I thought I would spend the day with you, as we used to when we were young."

Loki rolled his eyes. "You mean when you would wake me from my sleep and drag me off to have some..._adventure_ as you'd call it." Loki corrected.

Thor chuckled. "We both know you loved pretending to slay the goats with me."

"I did not enjoy your version of petty adventures." Loki said, mono-toned. For once he was actually telling the truth. He hated being woken up in the middle of the night to be forced into some outrageous 'adventure' that Thor thought would be fun. It always lead to the two of them (mainly Loki) getting into trouble with Odin. Besides, Loki wasn't much of a fan of going outside, especially at night when he couldn't see where he was going. But Thor always grabbed his hand and drug Loki around, happily humming to himself as he ignored his younger brother pleading to go back to bed. No, Loki wasn't one for real life adventures and battles; he was one for literature. He craved knowledge; wanting to know everything about everything. Loki would rather read about adventures than actually have to embark on one. "I lost much sleep because of you." He added after a short pause. Loki moved his book back into a reading position and tried his best to ignore his brother.

Thor chuckled a little harder, reaching over and playfully slapping Loki on the back, causing Loki to almost fall over. "Brother, you have not changed one bit."

Loki scoffed. "Why change perfection?" He said, smirking a little as he gave Thor a hard look.

Thor leaned over to look over Loki's shoulder, saying nothing. Loki stiffened. He could feel Thor's lurking, trying to read Loki's book and it irritated Loki to no end. Loki slammed the book together, causing Thor to jump back a little. "Can I help you with something?" He asked through gritted teeth.

"The book you were reading. What was it of?" Thor asked, innocently.

Loki sighed. "Spells. It's a spell book."

Much to Loki's surprise Thor seemed to be even more interested. "Spells? What kind of spells?"

"Spells that poison older brothers." Loki said, annoyed. "Now, have you concluded your business with me? I _do_ have other things to attend to."

Thor shook his head. "I thought we could spend the day together."

"That's the thing about _you_ thinking. You're always wrong." Loki said, standing up and starting to leave. "Well, since you aren't leaving, I will."

Thor frowned. "Brother, where are you going?"

"The Library." Loki replied, simply. Thor got up to follow his brother but Loki turned on his heels and held his hand up in a stopping motion. "You aren't allowed to speak while in there." He said, knowing that Thor wouldn't follow him now. Thor was the kind of person who couldn't last five minutes without speaking. The few times that Thor ever did go to the palaces library he had been escorted out only a few moments later for yelling, or knocking over a book case, or breaking a table, or accidentally striking a young scholar with lightening. Thor was prone to accidentally hitting people with lightening.

Once Loki had made his way into the Library he sat down in his usual corner and went back to the book he had been reading when Thor interrupted him. Loki had lied when he told Thor he was reading about spells, he was actually reading about Frost Giants. Ever since his dream three years ago Loki's interest in them had risen. He found himself wanting to know everything about them; their customs, rituals, fighting techniques. And much to Loki's discontent, the young sorcerer found himself relating more to those of Jotunheim decent than anyone he knew in Asgard. Over the years his doubt in his Asgardian heritage climaxed to a point of complete disbelief. He knew there was no way he was of Asgard. He didn't look like them; while most Asgardians had light coloured hair (aside from lady Sif, but that was really his fault) Loki sported a dark mop that he slicked back, another thing most Asgardian's didn't do. He didn't act like them. He didn't fight like them; while they used weapons and brute strength, Loki preferred magic and wit, using his silver tongue to his advantage every chance he could get. He was as different as possible, but, when comparing himself to that of a frost giant, he was almost a perfect match (aside from the skin and height, of course). But, at the same time, it didn't make sense to Loki. The Frost Giants were hated and even feared amongst Asgard. So why would Odin take one and raise it as a son? It was the only thing that made Loki think that maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was just so jealous of the obvious favoritism that Odin and Frigga showed Thor that Loki's mind simply made up some crazy story about his parentage.

Loki sighed, putting down his book to pick up another, one that didn't have to do with Jotunheim. He didn't want to think about Frost Giants or Asgardians right now, so he grabbed the first book closest to him. Of course, with Loki's luck (or lack of), he picked up a book on Asgardian History. Loki scowled and threw the book across the room with all his might. Shortly afterwards he stood up and stomped out of the room, far too annoyed to read, or be able to pay attention to anything for that matter.

For a while Loki walked alone down the long hallways of his palace, trying his best to concentrate on any subject other than the nine realms, which, of course, drifted his thoughts towards that of his brother. He sighed again. He just needed a distraction. Any sort of distraction.

"Why if it isn't little Prince Loki."

Not that sort of distraction.

Loki turned around, shooting a glare at a smug looking Fandral. "Shouldn't you be mindlessly following my brother around someplace? Or being shot down by yet another maiden?" Loki said, shortly before beginning to walk again. He needed to find _another_ distraction.

Fandral's smirk didn't falter, instead he began following Loki. "And you not huddled up in your little library? Why is this?" He questioned.

"That does not concern you." Loki said, stopping quickly in his tracks.

Fandral ran into Loki, almost knocking the younger Asgardian down. Loki quickly regained his poster and shot another glare at his unwanted company. If it were anyone but Loki Fandral would have apologized, but instead frowned at Loki. "One should not be so rude as to try and trip someone."

Loki could feel his face twitching with annoyance. "_Trip_ _you_? That was _not_ my intention." He just wanted this conversation to be over. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have better things to do than put up with the likes of you." Loki said, walking away quickly. Much to Loki's annoyance, Fandral began following him once again. "_What_ could you possibly want from me or is your only purpose in life to annoy me?"

Fandral gave Loki his best smile. "You should accompany me somewhere." He said, flat out.

Loki grimaced for a moment at Fandral's words. For a short moment it almost sounded like Fandral was asking him out on a date (which Loki would have replied with by a sharp slap to the face and a "Hell no!"). It took everything in Loki's power not to laugh in his face right then and there. "_Why_?" He asked, slowly, raising an eyebrow as he did so. He knew Fandral _far_ better than he wished for and he knew that the blond never talked to Loki without something being in it for him.

"Can't a gentleman ask another gentleman to accompany him without suspicion?" Fandral asked, innocently.

"No." Loki said, flatly.

Fandral sighed, feeling a little defeated. "Thor is looking for you."

Loki nodded. "So one of his lackeys has come to collect me?" Loki said, scoffing. "And he chose the most unlikable one as well."

"I am quite likable."

"I am much fonder of Hogun." Loki said, simply.

"Of course." Fandral said, dryly.

"Why does Thor seek me?" Loki asked.

Fandral shrugged. "I didn't ask."

Loki rolled his eyes. "Well, I am quite busy today. Tell my brother he can wait. My time is just as important as his, if not more." Loki said, sharply.

"You were walking down the halls aimlessly."

"I was taking a short break from my studies." Loki hissed, quickly.

Fandral chuckled. "So you shall not accompany me to see Thor?"

Loki sighed. "I will seek him myself. You may go off and...do whatever it is you do." Loki said, turning around and heading towards Thor's chambers. "He is in his room, is he not?"

"Aye." Fandral replied, beginning to take his leave.

"Then your task is complete. You may leave." Loki replied, watching Fandral with vibrant eyes. He waited until Fandral took his leave before making his way back into the library. What he wanted was a distraction, not for his thoughts to be brought back to his brother.

He sighed a bit as he reentered the library. For a moment he considered seeking companionship, hoping that the company of a friend would keep his mind from trailing to unwanted thoughts, but shortly remembered that he had no companions. That was the thing about Loki; he hated the company of people, yet, he always found himself feeling lonely. He had no friends. Not because of his devious pranks, lack of interest in people, or even his cold personality, but because he was different. And no one wanted to be associated with anyone who was different. That's why Loki enjoyed books so much. Books didn't judge or assume you were a bad person because of a few harmless pranks and well crafted lies. Books merely told stories and painted vivid images in Loki's imagination. The stories were Loki's only friends, and usually he was alright with that. Usually. He sighed, finding himself becoming depressed with such thoughts of loneliness and decided to focus all his attention of practicing a few spells that he had been struggling to learn. Maybe if he tried hard enough he could lie and convince himself that he was normal and that he was not lonely.

* * *

(A.N:/ So I am obviously the worlds worst NaNoWriMo writer ever. Ha, there's absolutely no way in Hell that I'll hit 5K words in like ten-ish days. Fuck that shit. Anyway, sorry that it's taken me so long to actually update. Also, I wanted to thank everyone who favoured/ started following this story! It's much appreciated. Also, the last like 1,000 words or so I was re-watching Iron Man 2 and kept getting distracted...I really shouldn't watch anything Marvel related while writing. Ha, the rest of the Avengers should be coming in soon!

I'm not really sure why, but I've always seen Loki as this super sad and lonely child. Like, everyone liked Thor better and no matter how much he tried, he could never be as good as his older brother...So then he becomes bitter and that's why he's mean to people and pulls pranks, to get attention that he usually didn't get because everyone always paid attention to Thor (since everyone knew he would be the King anyway, because Odin would never let weird little Loki (who, in my headcanon everyone except him and the other children his age know that he's actually a Frost giant and because of this the adults don't let their children play with Loki and so when they grow up they all just don't like him because they were taught to...) be King.) But maybe that's because I'm weird and Loki's m bb...

:D Anyway, yeah, enough of me rambling. Thanks for reading and I'll try to actually update soon!)

\o/


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